As some of you know, I go to York University for Professional Writing. I chose this program because I do a lot of writing on my spare time, which is mostly about my thoughts and ponderings. They offered Creative Writing courses within the program, which was the reason I chose to get into it, and I would much rather do creative writing than academic essays and that kind of bullshit. But I fucking couldn’t because I needed other requirements to graduate. So, I ended up doing the complete opposite of what I wanted to do. Great.
Needless to say, I don’t like the fucking program that I’m in. And it took me 3 years in it to realize that, but I decided to stick with it anyways because one more year and I’m done. I’m currently on my way to graduating as I’m typing this. We’re in the 2nd week of February. I have 6 more weeks to go. I’m barely hanging in there, but I’m pulling through, because I just want to get the fuck up out of there. Over and out.
I wasted my time and money doing this, just to say “I finished my education.” This isn’t even for me. I did it just to get people off my fucking back, and look how that worked out. I’m just so tired of school. I’m tired of bullshitting my essays and assignments before their due dates. I don’t even see any practical point to them other than just getting a passing grade and done. That’s all this shit is to me. It’s not even about getting good grades anymore, it’s just about passing and getting this shit over and done with. I don’t even care at this point anymore.
I used to be a B student. I could half-ass things and get marks within high 70s. Put a little effort into it, and I could probably have myself an A. But I’m just tired. I don’t want to bother anymore. My B student status dropped to C. And honestly, I’m satisfied with that because a C isn’t an F.
Maybe this wouldn’t have been the case if I actually enjoyed my program. I have to take courses outside my major, and this year, I chose a Psychology course as one of them. And I’m kicking myself hard for it because I actually enjoy psychology. I’ve said to myself so many times that I should’ve taken psychology as my major. I just found out about it too late. Yes, I know I can just switch my major, but I’m almost done, and that would mean another 4 years or so, and like I said, I’m just tired. I don’t want to have to go through bullshitting more assignments and stressing out about failing or not doing good enough. My motivation is at an all-time low. For fuck’s sake, I only have class on Thursday and Friday, and even then, I’m struggling to drag my ass off to even go. I’m just drained. I could pass with a D and fucking jump for joy, thankful that I didn’t fail and have to do all that over again.
I considered going back for psych sometime after I graduate (and pay off these loans), but right now? I’m just done. I’m so over school. I picked the wrong program and suffered for it. I don’t want to put myself through that again.
I’m halfway through my final term. I’m almost done…